Love Scars | Chapter 1 Where Home was

 

PRINCE'S POV 

I didn't know what day of the week it was. With alcohol, cocaine, and naked women the days blurred together. Memories are an incomprehensible swirl of events. God, I reeked of sex. A strange woman lay beside me in bed. It must have been during my binge that I met her. Her hair spread out in several directions, creating a halo-like effect. The way she looked was as if she was an angel who had fallen, losing her grace.

For a while, I searched around the bed for my phone. I squinted my eyes shut at the blinding light. Six thirty pm. I called my twin brother, Lucas. My ears rang with the sound of the phone. I contemplated whether I should bang my head against the headboard. The sound of Lucas's voice came through the phone. 

 "Why the hell are you calling?"

His greeting could have been warmer. 

 "I need you." My voice was hoarse, and words came out with a sandpaper feeling in my throat.

On days like this, self-loathing seems to come in waves. The lack of control just quickens the tide. When it became a little too difficult to look in the mirror, I settled for my vices. I had sex with anyone who would spread their legs for a couple of hundred dollars and liquor.

 “When don’t you need me?” There was a bit of irritation in his voice. It seems we passed the years with him vying for every bit of my attention. The years when all we wanted was the other.

 "Don't act like that." It comes across more as a wounded whine than a neutral command. “Come to me.”

 I could hear someone in the background of my twin brother’s call. I heard the ruffle of materials and the stumbling steps. A woman's voice told him to come back to bed.

 “I have to go,” Lucas said, ending the call. Fuck. I threw my phone at the wall, content with the residual noise it made. I stared up at the ceiling. The woman beside me moved closer to me, the smell of sex and lemongrass accompanying her. She threw her arms and legs over my body and hid her face in the crook of my neck. 

 I found that while I enjoyed sex and its atingle effects, the morning after was like the adagio of a child’s recital. Having someone this close to me made me feel like a river quickly drying up. She was just a temporary fix and in a few days, she wouldn’t remember my name, assuming I gave it to her. I needed Lucas here to bring me to the realization that I was going to be okay or things around me would be okay. 

There was a soft knock on my door. Without waiting for me to answer, the creaking of the door opening and the sound of feet shuffling across the wooden floor followed. I heard my baby brother say my name as though it were foreign to him. “Prince?”

Theodore stood at my bedside as if wanting to ask if he could step closer. However, he was too afraid to ask. He looked at me and then at the naked woman wrapped around my middle. He was almost fixated on her limbs. “Oh, I didn’t know you had company. I’ll leave.” 

I could hear the crestfallen disappointment in his voice. I politely nudged the sleeping woman off me and grabbed my brother’s wrist before he could leave.

“You don’t need to leave. My friend will be leaving soon, anyway.” 

I slowly sat up in bed and pulled Theodore between my legs. He looked down at me as I pushed his hair from his face, getting lost in playing with the strands and taking a moment to digest his features. He still had on his school uniform, but the tie was loosened and the jacket unbuttoned.

 “I saw your car out front and got excited that you were back,” he mumbled, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth. His constant abuse caused the poor things to turn pink and glisten.

“You missed me?” I smiled at him, pulling his body closer to mine. 

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s boring being alone in this big house all by myself. Lucas and Papa are hardly home these days. You know Papa doesn’t let me have friends over, not that it matters all the boys in my grade are too busy being stoned to have a conversation.” 

“I see.” I wrapped my arms around his small waist and pulled him into me. Burying his face into his chest and getting a small huff in return. The soft cotton of his shirt felt pleasant against my skin, as did his warmth when he curled up closer. He smelled of fabric softener and lavender. “I’m back now, so you won’t have to be bored anymore.”  

I pulled him away from my chest and looked at his face. The corners of his eyes crinkled as he smiled. I felt like my loneliness was being washed away as if I was being baptized in him. 

“For good? You won’t disappear on me again, will you?” His smile fell a little and the brightness in his eyes dimmed as if he was being haunted by the memories of my disappearing acts.  

I leaned forward and placed a kiss on his forehead, feeling this sense of completion. “For good, Bambino."

The soft groan from behind me made me look over my shoulders at the woman stirring from her sleep. I look back at Theodore, his eyes now back on the woman, and his posture becoming stiff. 

“Go shower and change and I’ll make us dinner tonight,” I tell him.

Theodore bounced up on his tippy toes, hugging me with more enthusiasm than I was ready for before he dashed out of my room. I stood up from my bed, stretching and reminding myself to tell Lora to schedule an appointment with my chiropractor. Running a hand through my messy, sweaty, greasy hair. The woman looked at me through sleepy eyes and had a soft smile on her face.

“I had a great time last night.” She said, sitting up in the bed. She pulled the sheets to her body. Her eyes traveled down to my flushed dick. That was now semi-hard. "I can help you with that.” 

“You may leave.” My tone came off more short than intended.

“You’re kicking me out? Really? She looked at me in disbelief. I paid for her services and enjoyed them. This wasn’t some friendly get-together.

“Bye.” was all I said before offering a bag of toiletries and pointing to the guest bathroom on my way out. “Don’t forget to sign the NDA,” I pop back in to remind her.

She rolled her eyes at me and mumbled something under her breath as she climbed out of my bed. I left my bedroom and went to the bathroom connected to my room. I didn’t bother looking in the mirror because I was so fucked up I wouldn’t be able to recognize myself. The walk-in shower automatically turns on when I step inside. The hot water came down on my face as I stood under the shower. When I’m alone with my thoughts they had a tendency to run into areas I did not want them to occupy in my empty head, constantly reminding me of the mistakes I made and the regrets I harbored.

After my shower, I found Theodore sitting idly on the sink’s countertop. “Bambino?” 

“I-I thought you might have left again, so I came to check.” His face shook a bit like he was trying to convince himself more than me. He fidgets with his fingers, picking at the skin around the nail. Wrapping a towel around my lower half, I walked over to him and cupped his cheeks, my thumbs caressing his rosy pink cheeks. I became entranced by the soft skin under my calloused hands.

"Bambino." My voice is low and tender. “I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere, so don’t worry that pretty little head of yours,” I said, leaning forward to place a kiss on his forehead.

Theodore has always been clingy towards me, even at a young age. Everything was Prince this and Prince that. He consumed my time, and I was all he wanted. When he grew up, I put some distance between us because his clinginess wouldn’t allow me to get anything done. Plus, Lora was worried about how he’d develop as he got older. Though it was for the best, I miss the days when he was younger. I would lie sprawled out in the sunroom with him snuggled up on my chest. He would count each of my breaths. This closeness we had kept me sane most days, and kept me from drifting off the deep end. I wonder from time to time if I should just fall back into that habit.

 Theodore watched me as I shaved my face. He kept glancing between my fingers and the blade. “Can I help you?” he asked. 

I looked at the razor and then at him. His hands were always shaky, and I didn’t want to get nicked, but he looked at me with eager eyes. I reluctantly handed the razor over to him as our fingers briefly brushed each other. 

 “I’ll help you.” His hands were shaky until I placed my hand on his. “This is how you do it.” I guided his hand with the razor slowly over my skin. His eyes were completely focused on cleaning up a mess of a beard until his hand shook again and nicked me. “Ah, you did well, Bambino."  

I washed any trace of shaving cream off my face. 

“When I grow facial hair, can you teach me how to shave?” I didn’t think he’d be getting any for a while. He was seventeen and still didn’t have an inch of peach fuzz.

“Sure thing, bambino.” I reached over to ruffle his hair.